* Woke up and lay there debating whether I should rush Frances Ha or not. Decided I was already awake, might as well go for it.

* What can I say about Frances Ha… Let’s just say if you like Girls and Young Adult and anything about privileged young hipster women who are perpetually immature and selfish and unsympathetic then you will probably like this. I don’t like things like that, I find the protagonists annoying, unfunny and a little insulting, personally. So this was not a film for which I am the audience. Others really enjoyed it though.

* Left Frances Ha to immediately join the line for Song For Marion. The line was reasonable, and after consulting my planned schedule for the day I decided a run next door to Starbucks might be in order. Get myself a brownie as well, figuring the sugar rush could only help me – I forgot to account for the crash.

* Song For Marion was really sweet and touching and Terrence Stamp was just adorable. Once more, I found myself a little choked up at one point and began to question whether or not The Impossible had broken me in some way.

* Out of Song For Marion to immediately line up for A Liar’s Autobiography. The lines people must think I am insane.

* Around this point the sugar crash hits me. Couple this exhaustion with the incredibly weird and soothingly narrated film I am watching and the baby-head-bob mini naps are inevitable. I wanted to like the film, but it was really just… Weird. Also, I think a LOT of the metaphors went right over my head.

* I get out of Liar’s Autobiography and somehow decide that I can make it from Scotiabank to Yonge and Dundas in 15 minutes to rush Berberian Sound Studio. I also apparently decided that there’d be no one in the rush line and I could totally get in right away. No idea where this optimism came from.

* Not only do I make it to the theatre before the movie has started, I end up being the 20th person in the rush line and STILL get in. Didn’t miss a frame and still had decent seats. Mentally high five myself on my awesomeness.

* Berberian Sound Studio was really good, but really weird. Again, I’m not sure I was awake enough or in the right headspace to “get” it. I need to watch this one again to try and understand it fully. Toby Jones was great in it though.

* Leave the screening to immediately go downstairs to work. I am right on time, but a little loopy from 4 movies straight in a row.

* A customer sees me eating chips during my downtime and scolds me saying “you should be eating carrot sticks or something! The trans fat in those will kill you!” he was so weirdly sincere that Vanya could not stop laughing hysterically. I just continues to poison myself with trans fats. If he only knew the extent of my poor eating habits…

* After work we head to Midnight Madness to rush Aftershock. I’m pretty excited for it, it stars Eli Roth and I really enjoy Eli as a performer and a person, if not always as a director.

* Once in line to rush, Vanya hears from a friend that the film gets pretty intense at one point and the term “rape-y” is used repeatedly. Suddenly Vanya and I aren’t so sure we want to subject ourselves to this.

* As we sit debating whether we should bail or not, the movie preceding ours lets out. “Look, it’s Puddles!” Vanya says as a crowd passes us. He immediately turns and we go “HA! He heard us!” we chatted a bit, compared movie notes, and then asked him to weigh in on the Aftershock debate. “Didn’t Roth co-write it? Yeah, how SHOCKING he’d have violence against women in one of his films…” Puddles has a point. He departs and the debate continues.

* By this point we have four of Vanya’s friends weighing in on the subject and we have successfully freaked out the girl next to us also hoping to rush. Just as Vanya decides “You know what, I can’t, I’m gonna go,” this guy appears out of NOWHERE and holds two tickets in front of her face. “Aftershock? Free.” Without missing a beat Vanya says “yes, thank you.” Now we find ourselves debating whether this was a sign from God or temptation from the Devil as we head to the ticket holders line.

* Get in and get seats in the third row. At Ryerson, these are pretty sweet seats. “Of course, our best seats are for the rape-y movie,” we observe.

* Before the movie starts, Eli Roth comes out and introduces the cast and director. The director is Chilean, by his own admission drunk, and very brash. It’s kind of hilarious, he won’t shut up or stop cracking wise, and we start to feel a bit better. Little did we know this would stop being cute, fast.

* So how was the movie? I don’t want to ruin it for anyone but I will say that it wasn’t as bad as we’d been lead to believe (re: violence against women) but if you have a sensitive disposition then yeah, maybe avoid it. If you don’t care for Roth’s other films, I sincerely doubt this will turn you into a fan. There were laughs though, and some awesome mayhem to watch.

* After the film, the director and cast came back out for a Q&A. This is when things started to go off the rails. I’m not going to shit all over the director, but when one of your actresses is trying to take a serious moment to explain how one of the traumatic injuries suffered in the film actually happened to a friend of hers, and how scary it was, and how lucky he is to be alive, and all you can do is make masturbation jokes which are CLEARLY and VISIBLY upsetting her, you’re being a dick. Sorry. Eli kept trying to rein the whole thing in and the director, obviously still drunk, just kept digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole with the crowd. There was some laughter, most of it uneasy, but around me no one was amused.

* At one point the question was posed to Eli Roth how it felt to be the mature, in control one for once on stage and he admitted this was new and scary ground for him. I will say this, Eli Roth is funny and charming and saved the Q&A multiple times. He clearly loves the Festival, especially Midnight Madness and Colin Geddes who programs it.


1) There is a pretty good chance I won’t like HBO’s Girls and will find myself on the outside of the television zeitgeist for once.

2) Terrence Stamp can sing! And it’s quite lovely!

3) Water and caffeine are my friend when marathoning movies in one day. Sugar is not. Sandwiches are a sound investment and next year I will make sure to have the supplies beforehand.

4) I can move pretty damn fast when I want to.

5) Chips = DEATH. I should be drinking from the juice bar in the food court instead. The only sugar in those are “juice” sugars!

6) A girl repeatedly exclaiming “Rape-y! It’s going to be rape-y!” in a loud voice in line at Midnight Madness won’t even get a second glance.

7) Selena Gomez is a HUGE horror nerd, loves the Hostel films, and wants to make a movie with Eli Roth really bad. This makes me kinda like her, to be honest.

8) There are a lot of actresses that remind me of Michelle Williams, especially at Midnight Madness films. Maybe it’s the pixie haircuts?

9) Aftershock director Nicolas Lopez should probably hold off on the alcohol until AFTER his film has screened and the Q&A is over.

10) It really is remarkable how little “real” food I can survive on.


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