Halloween Horror Overload! Day Four – 28 Days Later… (2002)

Editor’s Note: This is going up super late. Turns out, travelling to your parents’ place for Thanksgiving can put a damper on writing plans! Especially when their wi-fi is sketchy and nothing publishes when it’s supposed to! For the next 3-4 days, you can probably expect much of the same. Apologies in advance!

First: a disclaimer. I am fully aware that the attackers in 28 Days Later… are not zombies. I am also fully aware that the typical zombie rules – craving human flesh, can only die if you take out the brain, etc. – don’t apply. I am aware of all of this. But the fact is, if I don’t lump this in with Zombie Week, then where would it go? And besides all that, I don’t care. This movie is awesome. It’s awesome! It’s an awesome, scary movie that I like to watch at Halloween so it’s getting lumped into Zombie Week. Deal with it. Sidenote: I wish I could have done 28 Weeks Later… as well. While hardly the best horror sequel I’ve ever seen, it is still one of the superior ones I’ve encountered that wasn’t written or directed or even starring anyone from the first one. That’s an impressive feat. Plus, that opening fifteen minutes with the attack on Robert Carlyle and his survivor friends is AMAZING. Scared the hell out of me in the theatre.

The first time I saw 28 Days Later… I was in high school. I wasn’t sure what to expect, except British people and possibly zombies? The trailers weren’t specific. I definitely didn’t expect to fall in love with Cillian Murphy (which I did, big time) or to love a film shot on DV (handi-cam shooting often makes me feel nauseous). I also didn’t expect to become such a Danny Boyle fan – I had seen Trainspotting and A Life Less Ordinary, but until this flick his name was not a name I looked for when it came to film. It is now. This movie had me and my friends talking for days afterwards and every time I watch it, I’m reminded of those conversations, those examinations of our own lives and moral obligations. I definitely didn’t expect the movie to be so heady, but it was. And I love it for it.

If you haven’t seen the movie, the plot probably seems fairly contrived – young man wakes up in a hospital after being a coma to find all of London deserted; turns out a virus has spread that has wiped out most of the population by turning them into rage-filled zombie-like attackers. Now this young man and a handful of other survivors must find sanctuary. And while that may sound like every other zombie movie, and in a way I suppose it is, 28 Days Later… manages to make it feel more modern, and more realistic. It also manages to be like almost three types of movie in one. Let’s dive in, shall we?

We open with news footage of rioting, violence, panic the streets. Is this the start of the zombie apocalypse?! Nope. Just a monkey being Clockwork Orange’d into watching violent images on a TV. But what’s this? Masked vigilantes have come to rescue this monkey and his monkey friends from their cruel confinement as science experiments! As they go about documenting all the injustice, they fail to notice the dude in the lab coat who wandered back in from his break. Way to be on the ball, guys. He tries to call for security, but they stop him and so he begs them not to let the monkeys out. “They’re infected, they’re highly contagious!” he insists. “Infected with what?” the leader of these eco-terrorists demands. “Rage.” the scientist answers solemnly.

Yeah, not sure I’d buy that either, to be honest. You’d have been better off saying smallpox or something, doc. Is honesty really necessary at this point? I digress.

They ain’t buying it, so they open up the first monkey cage. It immediately comes barreling down it’s oddly long enclosure to attack the only girl in the group and bite her right on the neck. As the researcher screams for them to kill her, she instead pukes blood in her buddy’s face. What was it the lab tech said? Spread through blood and saliva? Yeah, now they’re both toast. We get a close up on chickie’s now “Rage”-filled eyes and then watch the monkeys freak out in their cages while chaos ensues around them. Fade to black.

TELL ME THAT’S NOT AN OPENING THAT GRABS YOU. Love it.

We are now with a naked young man waking up in a hospital. He’s covered in tubes, and attached to all sorts of doodads, but apparently he hasn’t been lying there quite long enough for his muscles to atrophy because he’s walking around just fine. He finds some scrubs and begins to search the clearly abandoned hospital for signs of life. Try the phones – no dice. Let’s just loot these vending machines then.

Wandering around with a plastic bag full of junk food. A boy after my own heart.

As he begins to make his way outside, we get an idea of just how abandoned everything is:

Can I just say, I LOVE these shots. The time and effort it must have taken Danny Boyle to shoot around MAJOR London landmarks without ANYONE around, giving the impression of complete desolation and isolation… Bravo, sir.

Our coma buddy is still wandering about, just shouting “Hello!?” every ten minutes or so. Still no sign of anyone. Now, if it was me, I’d probably start panicking. He seems more keen on picking up money he’s found strewn about and just continuously wandering. Cooler heads prevail, I guess?

LOOK HOW EMPTY! DAMN IMPRESSIVE DANNY.

Our friend here finally decides to pick up a newspaper.

Ok, so that’s some explanation. How’s about you actually read the article. No? You gleaned all you need to from the headline? Right then, moving on…

He stumbles upon a wall covered in missing posters, vigils, etc. and it blows his mind a little. What happened here? He wanders into an abandoned church.

Oh, well that’s not ominous…

As he works his way up to the chapel he finds…

Eep.

Bodies. Lots of ’em. “Hello?” he calls weakly.

Bad move, buddy. Here comes the parish priest and he does not look well. Our friend tries to talk to him, ask if he’s ok, but he’s getting the impression that the good father is indeed NOT ok, so he just smokes him with his bag of soda cans instead. “Oh, I shouldn’t have done that,” he moans.

No, no you really should have. A couple more times for posterity, in fact.

Our poor, confused coma victim finally gets that he should be running now. And run he does, down the street with 4 or 5 of those things on his tail. Out of nowhere a molotov cocktail comes flying over his head at the ghouls. “Over here!” someone in a gas mask shouts.

That right there is why you DON’T SET ZOMBIES ON FIRE.

Don’t need to tell our boy twice. He runs toward his two new friends as they BLOW UP THE GAS STATION to take out like, maybe 5 creatures chasing him.

Seems a bit wasteful to me, I’d have blown the station to take out way more than 5 infected, but hey it works.

Our three survivors haul ass (into a mall? I think? How DOTD of you…) and our coma victim begs for someone to explain to him what is going on. One of our saviors pulls off his mask: “A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, ‘Oi. You can’t leave that lyin’ there.’ And the man says, ‘No. It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.'” Well! That clears that up then!

We finally get some names to go with our heroes: Coma boy is Jim, a bike courier who was hit by a car I’d say, oh, at least 28 days ago? (HAR HAR HAR) His rescuers are Mark and Selena and they explain to poor Jim that basically all of England has been overtaken by this virus that makes people crazy violent. “What about the government?” Jim asks, flabbergasted. “There is no government,” they tell him. “Of course there’s a government, there’s always a government! They’re in a bunker, or a plane!” Jim watches too many movies. Jim might be me if I awoke from a coma to a world gone mad. They also inform Jim that their families are all dead and his most definitely are too. Jim ain’t having none of that, he needs to find his family. That’s when Mark lays it out for him: “Lesson one: you never go anywhere alone unless you’ve got no choice. And lesson two: only travel during daylight unless you’ve got no choice.” Mark promises to take Jim to find his dead parents tomorrow. Selena doesn’t seem too happy at the prospect but at least Jim has calmed down some. C’mon Jim, try to eat something.

DINNER OF CHAMPIONS

Maybe my awful eating habits are just me subconsciously preparing my body for the zombie apocalypse… food for thought….

The next morning, our trio set out to find poor Jim’s almost certainly dead folks. Jim goes into the house to search for them, while Selena sternly reminds him that if there’s anyone in there who’s infected, anyone… Jim gets it lady, ok? Just let him get some closure.

Ow, my heart.

OW, MY HEART.

Oh, hell.

Selena tells Jim he should be grateful his parents went peacefully. When Jim indicates he is the furthest thing from grateful for his parents’ death, Mark tells a horrifying tale of losing his entire family at Paddington station when a stampede occurred at the same time the infection begin spreading through the crowd. The only reason he was able to escape was because he climbed up and over people onto a kiosk, where he watched his father become one of the infected. Yeah, ok, maybe Jim should be a little grateful.

The group decides to crash at Jim’s for the night because there’s not enough time to get back to the shop and there’s no travelling at night (Lesson #2) so our weary travellers all bunk down in the same room for safety. Jim, unable to sleep, looks at family photos by candlelight. Wrong move, Jim. Seeing the light, two of the infected come crashing in on Jimmy boy. Thankfully Mark and Selena are there to kick some rage-filled ass. Selena with that machete is so effing bad ass, I want to be her. Just FYI. Miraculously, Jim manages to avoid getting infected. Mark? not so much. “Wait – ” he starts to say but Selena isn’t fucking around.

MACHETE’D!

She turns to Jim and tosses some paper towel. “Get that cleaned off.” she growls. Yes ma’am! Time to abandon ship, more infected will be coming so they need to load up and shove off.

As the two walk the abandoned streets, Jim inquires as to how Selena knew Mark was infected. She admits she didn’t, but Mark did, she could read it on his face. “Look, if someone gets infected, you’ve got between 10 and 20 seconds to kill them. It might be your brother or your sister or your oldest friend, it makes no difference. And just so you know where you stand, if it happens to you I’ll do it in a heartbeat.” Selena, I am adding you to my Apocalypse Survivor Squad. Welcome aboard.

As they wander, Jim notices flashing Christmas lights in an apartment window. More survivors? Let’s go see! But first, let’s try and maneuver through this impossible blockade of shopping carts and climb a couple dozen flights of stairs! As they stop for a break in their climb, Jim admits to having a headache that he didn’t want to tell Selena about because he didn’t think she’d give a shit. Harsh, but fair. She explains to him that he has no fat (on account of being in the hospital for a month) and all he’s had is sugar, so he’s crashing. Hey, science! No time to marvel at that now though, more infected are coming! Run run run! As they dash up the stairs, they are greeted by:

Uhhhhhhhh… hi?

Huh. Right then. “Flat 157, down the hall,” he informs them as he lets the pass. He then beats the ever-loving crap out of the infected with his billy club, then calmly tells his daughter to let our dynamic duo in.

Meet Frank and Hannah, the father/daughter survivor team.

Frank is excited to meet other survivors. Hannah is uncomfortable with strangers in her house. Selena and Jim just sit on the couch awkwardly while “Frosty The Snowman” plays.

Merry Christmas?

I laugh. But hey, at least Jim can get proper cleaned up now:

Hellllllooooooooo nurse!

Even without water to work with, you clean up nice, sir.

Jim and Selena discuss the new additions to their company.”I think they’re good people,” Jim admits. Selena scoffs. “You should be more concerned about whether they’re gonna slow you down.” Jim doesn’t care about that. Selena might be willing to leave anyone behind who slows her down, but not Jim. “You’re gonna wind up getting yourself killed,” she informs him. All the same, he thanks her for saving his life thus far. Clearly these two are going to fall in love, right? I mean, it’s inevitable!

The next day, Frank shows Jim his water collection process on the roof.

Good thing Frank had his trusty bucket collection handy…

He’s also set up a plastic sheet to collect dew and condensation like he “saw on TV once”, but he can’t make it work. I love that, because it’s incredibly accurate. You think you know how to do things, but you don’t, not really. TV IS NOT REAL LIFE. Life lesson, people.

Apparently it hasn’t rained in ten days so all of Frank’s buckets are empty. “You’d never think it… needing rain so badly. Not in fucking England!” Too true, Frank. Frank knows they can’t stay there much longer. He tells Selena and Jim about an army base they can get to, and plays them a recording that is repeating on the radio, promising salvation, the answer to infection, etc. “We might need 2, 3 days to get there,” Frank says pointing it out on a map. “We?!” Selena repeats. Frank admits to needing Jim and Selena to get there – what if something happens to him? What about Hannah? Selena isn’t too keen on risking her neck to get to soldiers who might be dead already, promising a cure she doesn’t believe for even a second exists. “We could die trying to get there!” She says. “Or, we could die here,” Hannah points out. Well, touché kid. But how do we get there?

Turns out, Frank’s got a car! Convenience!

They arrive at a tunnel and the question is posed: Take the most direct route, through the dark tunnel, or the indirect route outside and around it? Jim is all for indirect and sunlight, but he is outvoted. “See, this is a really shit idea. You know why? Because it’s really obvious it’s a shit idea!” PREACH, JIM! But apparently Frank’s can is an all-terrain vehicle in disguise and they are able to get up and over all sorts of busted and broken down cars without any consequen –

DAMMIT. Flat tire.

As they start to change the tire, Jim hears something… some sort of scuttling… UGH. RATS. Well at least it’s not the infected.

BALLS.

Now comes the incredibly tense and awful game, “Can You Change a Flat Before a Rage Infected Ghoul Eats Your Face?” And they win! Your prize is not dying! Hooray! For the record, I would ABSOLUTELY lose this game.

Alright, well that was all fun and good, but gas is starting to run low kids. I don’t know what it is about this gas station, but it seems slightly ominous. Probably because Jim feels it’s necessary to go exploring in the gas station rest stop, full of dead bodies and…

“Hello?”

BLARGH!

JIM. STOP SAYING “HELLO”. EVERY TIME YOU DO, SOMETHING ATTACKS YOU. STOP IT.

Jim now faces his first kill. Thus far Selena and Frank have done most of the damage, Jim’s merely run his ass off. He regards this rabid, deranged child and realizes, it’s him or me. He finishes him off and tells no one.

Other than Jim’s attack, they get the gas with little incident. Time to hit the road again! Look,windmills! Picnics at castle ruins! Running horses! Tra la la! In the midst of all the niceness they are now experiencing, Selena admits to Jim that she was wrong – staying alive isn’t as good as it gets. Look at Frank and Hannah for proof of that. Jim teases her for stealing his thought. She kisses his cheeks swiftly.

“Sorry,” she apologizes. “That’s fine. You keep it,” he grins. I SWOON ALL OVER THE PLACE.

That night, Jim and Hannah complain that they can’t get to sleep. Selena produces a massive bag of prescription drugs, including Valium, which she offers to them. I am adding “large cadre of prescription medication” to my apocalypse survival checklist. Except, if they give me horrifying nightmares of abandonment like they do Jim, I might have to pass.

I legitimately always expect something to attack him in this dream. It’s the screams of “HELLO?!” They’re like the Jaws theme at this point.

So here’s what I love most about 28 Days Later…: Yes, it’s a horror movie that may or may not qualify as a “zombie” flick – that is a debate that rages on. And that’s a tone that runs through the whole flick, but it’d be safe to say that the first third of the film is much more focused on that. The second part, however, is more of a road picture, a story of four strangers travelling together and learning about each other and themselves. It’s sweet, a little touching, and occasionally spooky what with the murderous ghouls attacking every now and then. I love that subtle but ever significant tonal shift. It almost lulls you into complacency… until more infected show up. And the final third… well, we’ll get to that, won’t we?

Our heroes finally arrive at their destination to find… nothing. No one. An abandoned outpost. This is not promising. Selena wants to leave. Frank is desperate to find something, anything, to give them hope. They can’t have come all this way for nothing! All he finds is a crow…

OH GOD WHY

WHO DRIPS ONE INFECTED DROP OF BLOOD INTO HIS EYE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. FRANK! FRANK, NO!

“I love you Hannah. I love you very much.”

YOU’RE KILLING ME, FRANK.

Selena and Jim finally catch on – Frank’s gone and got himself infected. “KILL HIM, JIM!” Selena screeches. But Jim’s not sure he can kill his friend. No worries, Jim! The soldiers you were looking for FINALLY turned up! They’ll take care of this!

RIP Frank. I really liked you. And not just because you’ll eventually be Mad-Eye Moody. OMG IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?! MYSTERY SOLVED!

Our three remaining survivors pile into the soldiers’ Jeep and are escorted to the fancy pants estate they’ve now claimed as their base. And guess who’s running things here?

DOCTOR WHO!!!

This means everything’s going to be just fine, right? The Doctor is in charge!

Alright, FINE. Meet Major Henry West. He seems friendly and helpful so of course this will blow up in their faces soon enough.

Poor Selena is not taking Frank’s death to well. Jim thinks she’s worried about Hannah. “She’ll learn to cope, just like I’ll cope and just like you’ll cope.” “I don’t want her to fucking cope! I want her to be ok! When Hannah had her dad, everything was ok. It was ok for them and it was ok for us, and now everything’s just fucked!” Selena is coming apart at the seams, people.

Jim sits and chats with Major-Doctor (his name now, FYI). “We must be a disappointment,” he says sadly. Jim is just hoping for “the answer to infection.” All in good time, Jimmy my boy. First, let’s lay out the compounds security features! Nice flat terrain, nowhere to hide; floodlights rigged to a generator; high perimeter wall that is difficult to get over; and landmines scattered over the lawn, just in case anyone does get in. See? With all those precautions nothing could get in! Never ever ever! Let’s meet some of the other soldiers:

Jones, you look darling in that apron, sir.

Oh, and let’s not forget Mailer, the infected soldier we keep chained up in the backyard. Did I forget to mention him?

“The idea was to learn about infection… have him teach me…”

“You feelin’ alright there, buddy?”

You learning a lot there, Major-Doctor?

Time for an incredibly uncomfortable dinner scene! Well, uncomfortable for our trio, the soldiers seem to be having a grand ol’ time! But Hannah is still depressed, Jim is suspicious and Selena is still a little off-kilter. And after poor Jones-y fucked up the eggs for dinner, the rest of the soldiers seem to get a little cranky. And now everyone seems uncomfortable. Let’s lighten the mood with some infected running across the lawn, shall we? This gives us a chance to see the soldiers in action, as well as witness just how impenetrable this fortress really is! Let’s really hammer that fact home!

The soldiers come in, all rowdy from having killed some infected, and one named Mitchell immediately starts hitting on Selena. She doesn’t take kindly to it, so he gets handsy. Now Jim is pissed, but sadly our boy isn’t quite as strong as a trained soldier and he goes down. Thankfully, one soldier (Farrell) seems to disapprove of all this and smokes Mitchell with the butt of his gun. I like you, Farrell. Major-Doctor breaks it all up but something in his eyes tells us he’s more on the side of Mitchell than Farrell. He takes Jim for a drink and while trying to explain the finer points of survival to him, he just blurts out “I promised them women.”

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

And now we come to the third act: the breakdown of society. This is probably the aspect of apocalypse films that has always fascinated me the most. What happens to humanity when you strip away rules and laws and all that’s left is panic and survival? Who will rise above and who will sink to the lowest form of evolution? Soldiers, men of honor, choose to hold two women – one little more than a child – hostage so they can “repopulate”. A delivery boy, with no connection to these women beyond the past week he’s spent with them, is willing to die to protect them. Suddenly, it’s not the cause of the end of the world you need to fear the most – it’s your fellow survivors. And that’s horrifying realistic. This is the heavy shit, people. This is what I dig. Oh, and Major-Doctor? We are officially in a FIGHT.

The soldiers knock Jim out and only Farrell is standing between them and the women (I knew I liked that Farrell). Of course there’s only one of him and a dozen of his compatriots so he doesn’t stand much of a chance. As Jim lies dazed on the floor, Major-Doctor leans over and offers Jim a place with them. “You can be one of us… but I can’t let them go.” One look in Jim’s eyes is all the answer he needs. “Him, too.”

As Jim and Farrell find themselves chained to a radiator, Farrell starts rambling about how across the ocean, life is continuing on as it always has. The rest of the world is just fine! How would infection cross oceans? Mountains? Great landscapes of barren land? “What would you do with a diseased little island? They quarantined us!” Farrell insists. He makes a good point. Another good point is that these men are willing to rape these women to “continue the species” after only 4 weeks of infection. Who’s to say who else is still out there? They found these three, didn’t they? But they are cut off, isolated and alone, and that animal part of the brain takes over and devours all rational thought. Hence, Jim and Farrell, chained to a radiator. Two soldiers enter. “Time to go.”

They are lead out into the woods, beaten and taunted, until they reach a pile of bodies. It’s pretty intense guys, I’m not gonna lie. Mitchell is saying some of the nasty things he’s going to do to Selena, and threatening to stab Farrell instead of just humanely shooting him. Mitchell is kind of a huge dick and I anxiously await his gruesome demise. To put an end to it, Jones shoots Farrell himself which just pisses Mitchell off. As they argue, Jim escapes. OR DOES HE?

Peek-a-boo!

Jim, you clever boy.

Jim hightails it over the wall and while the soldiers seem content that he’s as good as dead – “he’s got no vehicle, no shooter,” Mitchell points out – I wouldn’t count our boy out just yet.

As Jim runs through the underbrush, he trips and falls on his face. As he rolls over onto his back he looks up and sees:

DE PLANE! DE PLANE!!

If ever there was motivation to survive, there it is.

Back inside, Major-Doctor Assface is trying to make the girls more “presentable” by having them put on dresses that belonged to the lady of the house. “Not to Hannah,” Selena begs. He ignores her. I hate him. The soldiers take them upstairs and start stripping Selena as Hannah screams in the corner. Selena uses their horniness to her advantage and kisses one of the soldiers (totally gross looking kiss, be tee dubs) in exchange for them leaving the two ladies alone to change. This seems to placate them, because sure,why not. The minute they’re out of the room, Selena grabs her bag of pills (that they didn’t take away for some reason?) and demands Hannah take some. “Are you trying to kill me?” Hannah asks softly. “No, sweetheart. I’m making you not care.” OH MY GOD THAT SCENE IT HURTS MY EVERYTHING. The soldier busts in and catches them, but not before Hannah is able to down a pill or two. Just then, the air raid siren goes off. Someone’s at the blockade! “Jim!” Selena cries breathlessly.

You bet your ass it’s Jim.

Jim now plays hide and seek in the rain with the soldiers.

Catch me if you can…

And despite their years of military training, he is WINNING.

FORE!

One down…

Thanks to the air raid siren, a crapload of infected are now running at our Major-Doctor. He tries to start the Jeep but whoopsie! Jim already got to it! Better take off into the woods, soldier boy!

Back in the compound…

All dressed up and nowhere to go…

Simultaneously funny, and depressing.

Jim’s found his way back to the compound. Not quite over the wall, but close enough to shoot the chains off of Mailer. Remember him? The pet infected soldier? Yeah, he’s loose now. Good luck with that, evil soldiers!

Hannah’s pills are kicking in and while she’s not sleepy, she’s certainly loose-lipped. “They’ve been gone a long time. What happens if they don’t come back? Are you in charge? I don’t think they’re ever coming back. They’re dead… and you’ll be next.”

Oh, Hannah. That’s just the pills talking, what do you know?

GUH.

Alright, point to Hannah.

Jim’s plan is working perfectly, I guess, as long as his plan was to let loose an infected in the compound who would then go on and infect others all while poor Selena is trying to drag a drugged out Hannah to safety.

All according to plan…

So, somehow Jim has made it over the wall. I have no idea how. I also have no idea how he’s made it past all those precautions they kept mentioning earlier. No land mines or floodlights will trip our boy up! He’s running on adrenaline and hope for the future! He watches some infected tear apart a soldier in the kitchen as Mitchell is dragging Selena t0 a bedroom somewhere (way to prioritize buddy).Poor drugged out Hannah wanders off as Selena screams her name.

Jones, who’s been hiding from the infected, finally comes out of his hiding place to make a run for the doors. He almost makes it!

Oh, hey there Jim.

Jim, the man who seemed to have real trouble killing any infected, is now a straight-up murderer. Major-Doctor claimed the world hadn’ t really changed – All he ever sees is “people killing people”. How right you are, Major-Doctor. The difference being why they kill. In this case, I’m Team “JIM KILL EVERYONE”.

Hannah has found her way back to the washroom where she rescues a family picture. “Hannah!” Jim calls. She hears him, but also hears the infected headed her way. Drugged out or not, the girl is clever enough to hide on the other side of a full length mirror from the monster looking to eat her. Well played, Hannah! Jim continues to search for his friends, running across the roof in the rain like some brilliant monkey man. He finally finds Mitchell and Selena and…

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD

OH. MY. GOD. I love/hate this moment. Jim’s attack on Mitchell is so brutal and so heinous it actually seems like he’s infected. He doesn’t say a word, just smashes the shit out of the man and then GOUGES OUT HIS EYES AHHHHHHH. Selena agrees with me and she grabs her machete. She swings it up and just stops short once she sees his eyes.

“That was longer than a heartbeat,” he scolds.

Yeah, I’d makeout with that face too.

MAKEOUT CITYYYYYYYY! That is, until Hannah shows up and smashes a vase over Jim’s head. “I thought he was biting you,” she says rather dumbly. “Are you stoned?!” Jim asks incredulously. “It’s a long story,” a sheepish Selena explains. HEY, GUYS. THIS WILL ALL MAKE EXCELLENT FODDER FOR YOUR FUTURE SITCOM, BUT INFECTED STILL RUNNING ABOUT. PAY ATTENTION. Our trio finally get it together enough to run outside to the cab. Hannah jumps in the driver’s seat and Selena and Jim go to get in the back only to find –

MAJOR-DOCTOR

“You killed all my boys.” And the he SHOOTS JIM. YOU MOTHER-FUCKER. Hannah isn’t too pleased either and she hits the gas only to reverse the car right up to the front door. One of the infected comes running out, busts the cab’s back window, and pulls Major-Doctor straight out. Hannah, you are kind of ice cold and I love it. She goes back to collect her friends, but Jim is still shot and the gates are locked and they’re gonna have to ram them and oh GOD….

We get brief snippets of Selena saving Jim’s life in a hospital before he wakes up in a bed, bandage on his wound but gloriously alive. HOORAY! We see a jet’s perspective as it soars over the land. We see Selena sewing sheets and curtains and clothing together. Hannah comes barreling into the cottage they’ve clearly commandeered: “He’s coming!”

They race outside with all their fabric just in time for the jet to fly overhead and see:

“Think he saw us this time?”

THE END. Tomorrow (Editor’s Note: Right freakin’ NOW) I’ll be diving into Evil Dead 2, another “not quite a zombie flick, but close enough” selection.

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